That Time I Answered Some Intimate (and Strange) Questions From the Far Right.

What I answered and, more importantly, why I answered.

In the early days of The Zero Hour, the team at We Act Radio hired a publicist to improve my rather poor media visibility. She got me a slot in the right-wing Daily Caller's "Mirror Questionnaire." The questionnaire was the brainchild of the late Betsy Rothstein, who was already loathed on the left for some atrocious thing or another she had written. (I didn’t know that until she died a couple of years later.)

I will always talk to right-wingers: anytime and anywhere. I will talk to anyone, provided they’re willing to listen. For me, political speech is like sending messages in a bottle from a deserted island. You toss your little communiques into the sea, not knowing which current might take them to someone who might read them. Whatever happens, you know you tried.

About talking to the right: In 2010, I had just been hired by the think tank Campaign for America's Future. I was invited to speak about the bank bailout at a protest outside the Treasury Department. In describing the bankers' hold on the economy and government, I quoted Ace Rothstein's description of Nicky in the movie Casino:

"When he won, he collected. When he lost, he told the bookies to go fuck themselves."

I didn’t know that my speech had been videotaped, but when I returned to the office it had gone somewhat viral. (Fortunately, my new employers were amused.)

After my talk, a reporter for the right-wing Town Hall website approached me and said, "You know, you didn't say anything that wouldn’t fit right in at a Tea Party rally.” My response was, "Invite me." (She didn't.)

As the preachers used to say, "Go where the sinners are." That was the spirit with which I answered these questions in 2014. Here are some excerpts.

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Hometown: Utica, NY
Age: Vintage.

Named for:

There was nobody on either side of my family named Richard, so it was the only choice they could come up with that wouldn’t offend somebody somewhere.

First job ever:

I worked a flat press in a New York laundry where we dry-cleaned clothes for a chain of laundromats on Route 17. We then put labels on the packages which said “all work done on premises” and put them on a truck back to New Jersey.

Preferred beach anywhere in the world: 

I’ve seen some beautiful beaches, but I’d say Coney Island. In 1965. With “Help Me Rhonda” playing on every transistor radio, teenagerdom in my future, and the Summer of Love right around the corner.

If someone wants to get on your good side, what candy or liquor should they ply you with? 

Any combination of chocolate and nuts will do, from the finest choco-pecan confections to a bag of Reese’s Pieces, with which I can be lured out of hiding like E.T.

Most exotic place you’ve ever visited: 

I did economic development and investment consulting in more than 20 countries, but I’d say Albania. We were there on a mission one month after it opened to the West after being a garrison country for forty years. We saw some surprising and fascinating things there. Some tragedy, too.

Who is your celebrity crush? 

Why, you, of course! Who else?

How did you land your job?

Whenever anything of mine is published, half of me wants to flagellate myself in public like the penitentes in Mexico and the other half wants to strut around like Wile E. Coyote, looking at my reflection and muttering “Super Genius.” 

In other words, I have no idea how I landed my job.

A thought that makes you want to cry: 

Jane Goodall says that she’s seen chimpanzees get a tear in their eye looking at a beautiful sunset. And I complain when net congestion causes the pixels to break up on a Netflix movie. As the great DC soul singer William DeVaughn said, “Be thankful for what you’ve got.”

Any brushes with death? If so, please describe. 

I was in a small school bus that spun out of control when I was 14. Then I was in a pretty spectacular car crash in Michigan, when my car and the tractor-trailer behind me lost control on an ice-covered hillside at the same time. The truck jackknifed, or it would have killed me. My car rolled over three times and landed upside down in a ditch. 

In both cases, time slowed down and I became extraordinarily serene, able to do whatever was needed and unafraid of any possible outcome. I’m trying to replicate that state without risking my immediate death. I’ll let you know how that goes.

From lefty radio host Bill Press: Where’s the one place in Washington you’d love to have sex, but can’t? 

Under the Capitol Dome.

Unfortunately, the Capitol Police are very good at their jobs. Which isn’t to say I haven’t been screwed there a few times, legislatively speaking.

From former Rep. Weiner’s ex-phone sex partner Sydney Elaine Leathers: Who is the worst journalist on your favorite news channel? 

I don’t have a favorite news channel.

From Washington Free Beacon’s Lachlan Markay: Which universally acclaimed piece of literature, art, film, or music can you simply not stand? 

The movie 21 Grams. There’s a line where Sean Penn tells Naomi Watts (spoiler alert!) “I have his heart.” My wife and I burst out laughing because it was such bad writing. Everybody glared at us, so we left.

From freelancer and journalism prof Steve Friess: If you were the opposite of your sexual orientation, name three people you’d sleep with. 

I’m not that easy. They’d have to buy a fella a drink first.

From Stateless Media’s Peter Savodnik: Why do you matter? 

Because I’m alive.

Please provide a question for the next lucky victim of The Mirror Questionnaire. Make it good. 

If you could have just one of your sins forgiven, right now, what would it be and why?