Senators in the Hands of an Angry God

An Anonymous Note From a Supreme Court Justice

a satire, of sorts

To all you liberals, you Democrats, you quislings and cowards:

Don’t tell me you’re really surprised. 

In 1741, a preacher named Jonathan Edwards terrified this country, which didn’t even exist yet, by convincing people that demons were waiting everywhere to grab people and drag them into hell. His sermon was called "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God." Now, my side is using new forms of fear to take away everything you’ve tried to do in the last 281 years. I’ve gotta say, so far the plan is going pretty well. 

You guys aren’t nearly terrified enough to stop us. Not yet, anyway. 

I guess you don’t understand our power yet.

The senators say they’re shocked, shocked at our violation of decorum. Why did you lie, they ask me? Why did you deceive my good colleagues about stare decisis? The rituals of this chamber are like ... like a religion to us.

Aw, come on now, you know why I did it. Your guys wanted me to lie. "Plausible deniability," isn't that what they call it? 

They wanted to be able to say they asked. I told them what they wanted to hear.

But isn’t lying a sin?

Well, now, that all depends on the context. Lying to the “centrists” was necessary. It got me to the place where I could do the most good. As for the rest of them – the liberal senators, the reporters – lying to them was ... well, there are a million reasons to lie to liberals and all of them are good. Lying to liberals isn't a sin. It's a commandment. 

We lied to save the babies. We lied to them because they are weak, and God despises weakness. We lied to them because they wanted us to lie to them, because deep down inside they want to lose. They always wanted to kneel down in defeat on the Capitol steps, singing their pathetic patriotic songs while we exulted in our chambers and at our altars. (“God Bless America”? Really?)

We lied because God's lie is our eternal truth.

Oh, sure, there are people who say otherwise about God. They love to quote His words. Any review of the major religions will conclude that they’re built on different principles than ours. But we know something none of the learned theologians know. Only we know which words are true and which are false, which are foundational and which are deception. Only we know when God is telling the truth and when He is lying.

You may call us detached from reality, but we’re gaining more control with every passing day. You may think we’re living in a fantasy, but it is you who live in a dream world. While you dream of compromise and civility, we act in the concrete world of power. While you enact empty rituals of civic liturgy, we seize the means of political production.

House Speaker Pelosi even quoted lines from someone she described as a “poet.” It struck me kinda funny. Percy Bysshe Shelley said, “Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world.” (We did have to go to college to get this job.) Pelosi and her colleagues are actual legislators. Big difference. Poets write lines. Legislators write laws. Supposedly.

And the guy wasn’t a poet at all. He was an Israeli songwriter. The Speaker seemed unaware of the lyrics’ subtext in the context of occupation: “I have no other country even though my land is burning ... Here is my home ... I will not be silent for my country has changed her face/ I shall not give up on her ...”

Typical liberal. The songwriter talks about how bad things are without any kind of commitment to doing whatever it takes to fix things. As if singing a song is enough. A song without action is just a homeopathic dose of conscience, an inoculation against guilt.

Not that it bothers me. I’m a conservative Supreme Court justice. We think the Holy Land is the key to the End Times. 

So, congratulations. You’ve got your soundbite. Democrats fell down on their knees to sing and pray. We did that 50 years ago. But then we did something else: we acted. When our leaders didn’t do what we wanted, we forced them to do it or we threw them out. You show no signs of doing that. Unless that changes, and there is no sign that it will, the future is written – not by God, but by us. 

Feel free to sit back and watch your elected officials sing their little songs and pray their little prayers. You’ll watch them do it again when we take the majority back, abolish the filibuster, and eliminate what little is left of your democracy.

Unless you do something, and fast. That could happen, theoretically. But all the signs say that our side will act, and your side will not. That we will keep winning and you will keep losing. In the meantime, by all means stay on your knees. Sing “God Bless America” while we raise holy hell. Pray to a civic god that has long since forsaken you. Knock yourselves out. 

The way things are going, you haven't got a prayer.